What if....

What if...

• I get sick and hospitalized?
• The cancer has spread and I don't know it?
• The cancer comes back in 10 years?
• My body (liver/kidneys) is damaged from the chemo?
• I'm never healed?
• I never feel good/normal/strong again?
• My kids reject the Lord?
• Mark dies?
• My kids die?
• We can't get out of debt?
• I can't find a job?
• I get a job I hate?

My good friend, Joan, came to help us for my 4th round of treatment . She is a godly woman and a special friend and I love her dearly. Joan and her husband Mark influenced our lives spiritually more than anyone else. I learned more in the three years that I sat under Pastor Mark's preaching than I have under any other pastor. I am blessed and thankful to call them friends! 

During her time here helping us Joan and I were able to talk a lot; she encouraged me through scripture and challenged me to really trust the Lord in all things. One day after she left, I dropped the kids off at school and took my Bible and my journal and went to the beach. I spent a couple hours listening to the crashing waves and enjoying the warmth of the sun and really gave it some thought...and prayer!

What if?

To be honest, I didn't find the peace I was looking for. I didn't get the answers I wanted or the reassurance that none of those things would happen. We live in a sin-filled world. There's diseases, death, heartaches and a lot of pain and suffering and any one of those questions could happen. I could not be healed. I could have the cancer come back later in life. My husband or kids could die. We could always struggle financially. 

But I do know that God is still God and always will be. I do know that he promises to never leave us or forsake us. Joshua 1:5 "As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."

And I do know that I can give him my worries and my fears and I don't have to be burdened down by them. Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

The God who created all things: the ocean, the birds, me! Loves me and wants me to trust in Him and to cast my cares/stress/anxiety on Him so that I can rest in His peace for the future. So that is what I'll do. 

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on the Lord, for he cares for you".

Live Event!

Live Event! Jordan Rubin, founder of Beyond Organic will be speaking on September 10, 2012 at 6:00 PM at the Doubletree Hotel, Palm Beach Gardens.

This is a FREE event for guests and preferred customers. Mission marketer cost is 5.00 at the door.

He will be sharing about the new products including beef cuts, beef summer sausage, snacks, granola, nuts, as well as introducing a new organic botanical skin care line that contains only natural botanicals, essential oils, vitamins and antioxidants.

For those who can't attend but are interested in learning more join Jordan Wednesday, September 12^th at 8:30 pm EST for a live conference call. Listen as he shares in-depth about our new skin care line. Call space is limited, so make sure you’re one of the first 500 callers!

Conference Call: 1-408-600-3600
Access Code: 666 205 734
*Attendees can call in 15 minutes prior to the start time (8:15pm EST). 
*Attendees do not need any additional information, when prompted by the operator to enter a key, just press “#” indicating you do not have one.

Jordan Rubin at the ranch

Shine Bright!

"If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." John 15:18-19

Earlier this week I was talking to my dear friend Joanna about a troubling situation, she said something has stayed on mind all week. Something to the effect of "those in darkness run from the light". That brought clarity to me about the situation I was dealing with and gave me something to think about.

This morning I woke up thinking about being a light for Christ and what all it means. It means that people will think you're weird and different and they will make fun of you. They will try to find ways to upset, hurt and be mean to you. Because they don't like the light. At church this morning we heard a great message talking about the same thing. When you follow Jesus the world will hate you. You may even be persecuted. The dark world hates the light of Christ.

The closer you draw to the Lord, the brighter your light will shine and the brighter you shine for Him the more the world will hate you. Expect it. Pastor Aaron used an analogy that Mark uses with his football players. Mark always tells the guys "don't worry about it when I'm getting on your case (in practice), worry when I don't because I don't waste my time on those who don't play". Pastor Aaron said almost the same thing but in the spiritual sense "don't be upset when the world persecutes (that means you are doing something for the Lord) but worry when they think you're normal".

I have found that the more I seek the Lord and the more I depend on Him during this trial the brighter my light shines for Him. There will those who run and hide from the light because the darkness hates the light. But you never know, they may just come to know the Lord because of your light.

So Shine Bright!

SueroViv: Hydration During Chemo

I originally started this blog when I became a Mission Marketer with Beyond Organic. My goal was to give information about the company and the great products. But when I was diagnosed with breast cancer I decided to change the blog to include my story, my journey to beat cancer. Lately all my entries have been about my story...but I haven't stopped Beyond Organic!

I am still a Mission Marketer with Beyond Organic and I am still ordering the great products. I drink SueroViv daily to help me from becoming dehydrated which is especially important the week after chemo (chemo dehydrates the body).

 

SueroViv is a whole food, living cultured beverage. It contains cultured whey, Reign Supreme Mountain Water (from Beyond Organic), organic essential oils and is abundant in electrolyte minerals, B vitamins, probiotics, antioxidants, enzymes, calcium, potassium and magnesium. Each flavor contains other unique ingredients such as citrus, cinnamon, orange, berries, etc to make it's own flavor. All ingredients are certified organic.

I have been drinking the "Green" flavor which is wheat grass, carrot juice and lemon juice combination. I have been told by everyone (doctors, naturalists, other survivors, and people who work with cancer patients) that wheat grass is very good to fight cancer.

I am so thankful that I have these products to help me restore my body while going through chemo.The decision to do chemo was very difficult for me to make and when I finally decided to do it I knew I had to do everything I could to restore my body while the chemo was attacking it. 

Having Fun and Enjoying the Summer

My mom stayed for two weeks while I recovered from the mastectomy surgery. She cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids, did the laundry and took care of me. She helped me do everything including washing my hair and bandaging my incision. She gave me a necklace and matching bracelet that was a gold and silver mix of the word GOD. I love it! It is constant reminder that God is taking care of me and wore it almost every day this summer.

A week after my surgery Mark and I went out for a date night. It was nice to get out of the house and to spend some time alone together...we're still fun and silly!

I recovered quickly and was determined to make the summer fun for the kids! We spent a lot of the time at the pool...my kids are little fishies!

We soaked up sun at the beach.

And of course we fished.

Mark and I spent a weekend at a beautiful bed and breakfast to celebrate our 10 year anniversary.

Psalm 118:24
This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

God gave us many days to rejoice and be glad!

Recovery

I heard far away voices, my bed was moving, everything was spinning and I felt like I was going to throw up. The elevator bell dinged and the door closed and that's when I really started feeling sick. I still couldn't see anything, but I heard Mark's voice and felt him grab my hand.

I started to come to and realized that Matt, Mark's brother was there. He had come and spent the entire day with Mark while I was in surgery. I'm thankful he came to entertain Mark since my surgery was supposed to be 1 1/2 hours long but ended up being 5 1/2 hours long.

Granny and Papa Harper were there too. I asked for some water but was given ice chips...Granny spoon fed me ice for the next hour. I felt good but I was starving and the nurses wouldn't allow me to eat since I had been nauseus.

Later in the evening after she got off work, when I was much more alert Kasey, Matt's wife came. She helped me freshen up and change out of my hospital gown into my cute new pink pajamas.She and I were finally able convince Matt and Mark to leave and get some food to eat around 9pm. Mark hadn't eaten since we left the house at 5:30am and he was starving! Kasey insisted on staying the night in the hospital with me and after we sent Matt and Mark home we talked a lot and had a great bonding time. The nurses brought her a pillow and blanket and she attempted to get comfortable on the stiff recliner chair when the nurses wheeled in a half dead lady to share the room with me...it was a long night listening to the lady moan and wheeze and gasp to breathe. We called the nurses many times to come check on her! (she lived)

New Friends and Feeling very Loved

During the miscarriage process I felt so alone. We had just moved 7 months before and we hadn't connected or made very many friends. We were still trying to find a church and friends to connect with and families to be friends with. I remember my mom asking me when I called her in middle of the night "isn't there anyone you can call to come watch your kids so you can go to the ER?" and I felt so sad responding "No"...we just hadn't connected or so I thought.

Once word got out that I had breast cancer we were overwhelmed by the love and support of friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers!

People started calling, texting, emailing, sending Facebook messages, cards and care packages. People from Mark's school organized food, and mailed cards and offered to watch our kids. Church people who we hadn't yet met did the same. EVERYONE was willing and wanted to help us. We ended up meeting more people, faster, through this trial than we would have normally. God blessed us with some really great people who loved on us and encouraged us without really even knowing us.

One sweet friend, the mom of one of my husbands football players, connected me with a group called Breast Friends of Brevard. These women gave me books, articles, pillows, hats, scarves, meals and called regularly to give me love and support. My friend asked them what was most important and put together a beautiful care hospital care package.

Friends of family members who I had never met sent cards, packages and even money. God was really showing us how He is constant and faithful in taking care of his children. We have made so many wonderful friends and feel so very loved!

Surgery

Mark turned the alarm off and rolled over to wake me up. It was 5AM and I was already awake, I had been most of the night. I jumped into the shower and scrubbed my hair good as I knew I would feel greasy and gross after staying in the hospital along with not being able to shower properly the week after my surgery.

No coffee for me, no water, no breakfast...nothing. I was starving!! I didn't follow the doctors orders and I brushed my teeth...I just couldn't go to the hospital with morning breath!

We walked into the hospital around 6:20AM and the old little volunteer lady gave us a cross look as she glanced at her watch and said "we were expecting you at 6:15". I smiled and nicely asked her if we had to cancel my surgery since I was late....I don't think she appreciated my humor.

The nurse called me back to the ACC area and gave me a gown to put on...with specific instructions of how to wear it: it ties in the back. Well, when I looked at it, it just didn't look right. I needs to open in the front since he has do surgery on my breast which is in the front! So I put it on how I thought it should go...I was wrong and had to fix it when she came back in. Soon after we got settled the nurse came in to hook up a phone in my room, she said we had a call. We were surprised and wondering who would call us, as my mom and the kids were at home sleeping and the rest of our families lived in another time zone and would not be awake to call us.

I answered the phone to Mr. Cantor calling from California! I had agreed to donate my tumor to his company, Scantibodies Laboratories, and he needed to give me some last minute information to get the hospital to release the tumor to Mark so he could mail it out after surgery. It was 7am EST, which meant it was 4am PST. Mr. Cantor talked to Mark and gave him all the instructions for mailing it out, and the names of the doctors to talk to, he had personally talked to the head of pathology in the hospital and made specific arrangements  (we had brought all the signed permission forms along with us) and then he had me put back on the phone and he prayed a loving and sincere prayer for a successful surgery, wisdom for the surgeon, for healing for my body and for all cancer to be found and removed.

With all the prep work completed I was now rolled up to the surgery wing. Mark was allowed to go with me into the prep area. A little bit of panic set in...all kinds of smells and strange sights and just the reality that I was going to be cut open hit me! The anesthesiologist came over and and introduced himself to us...when Mark hear his last name he said "I teach a girl with your same last name, do you know anyone who goes to HT?" And yes, he did, she was his daughter!

Dr. Sherman came in to make some pre-surgery markings on me and he surprised us by asking if we would rather attempt a lumpectomy (since I would not be able to start reconstruction at the same time of the mastectomy; he was trying to find a way to make me not be so disfigured for so long). After some discussion we all felt it was best to stick with the original plan of a full mastectomy...at that point all I cared about was getting the cancer OUT and I could care less what my breast looked like!

Dr. Sherman then surprised us again by asking if he could pray with me before I was put under. He took my hand and said a simple yet moving prayer asking God for wisdom and guidance, thanking him for the ability God gave him and  asking him for healing on my life. I immediately felt at total peace and all fear was gone.

The anaesthesia began to work and I was out.

The Day Before

Surgery was scheduled for Thursday May 17th.

The days leading up to the surgery were busy! I had an MRI to check the left breast to see if there were any small lumps that had not been detected in the mammogram. I was also running around trying to get all my scans to send to a company in California and worked on getting permission from the doctor and hospital to donate my tumor to the same company in California. (There were a lot of forms to write, print and sign, along with calls to make). Not to mention just being a wife and mom.

My mom flew in late Tuesday night, and Lilly drove with me to Orlando to pick her up from the airport. She was so excited to see Grandma but ended up falling asleep shortly after mom got in the car.

Wednesday morning Mark went with me to meet with the surgeon, that was his first time to go to any appointment and his first time meeting Dr. Sherman. We discussed the mastectomy surgery and he explained everything in great detail. Mark was intrigued by Dr. Shermans bow tie.

A Myriad representative was there in the office to administer the BRACA test...Mark and I were humored by this animated man! He walked into the exam room and jumped right into his sales pitch and started going on and on about how important BRACA testing is. I don't think he could talk if his hands were tied behind his back! He gave us extreme stories and examples of how a BRACA test result saved a woman's life, how many women who test positive for BRACA go ahead and have a double mastectomy, hysterectomy, remove their ovaries and never go in the sun again to avoid skin cancer...He told us Bob Marley died of melanoma of his toes. He didn't stop to breathe and his hands never stopped moving. By the time he was finished with his speel I was convinced he thought I should be cut up and all parts removed.

 After Mr. Animation left the room the surgeon came in and asked if I wanted to wait two weeks for the results before we went ahead with the surgery. He said some women, if they test positive for BRACA, opt to have a double mastectomy rather than a single. But since I had already mentally prepared to have surgery the following day and my mom had just flown into town AND I had just had an MRI which showed nothing on the left breast, I decided to keep the surgery scheduled for Thursday and make a decision about my other breast after we got the BRACA results.

We were all set and ready to have surgery the next day.