My New Years Resolution

Happy New Year!!

January is the time of year when everyone makes resolutions for the New Year. As I have taken time to think of New Years resolutions for myself I realized something: I don't like making New Years Resolutions; which is probably why I usually don't make them and the few times I did, I didn't keep them.

In the weeks following Christmas an old Keith Green song that I loved as a kid kept coming to my mind. I have found myself walking around the house singing it and then I really started thinking about the words. And one day while I was singing and thinking about the words, I had a another realization: This year I was not going to make a New Years resolution, I was going to make a Life Time resolution.

I have been praying the words of this song...it really is my hearts desire!

Make my life a prayer to You

I wanna do what You want me to

No empty words and no white lies

No token prayers no compromise

I wanna shine the light You gave

Thru Your Son You sent to save us

From ourselves and our despair

It comforts me to know You're really there

Chorus:

Well I wanna thank You now

For being patient with me

Oh it's so hard to see

When my eyes are on me

I guess I'll have to trust

And just believe what You say

Oh you're coming again

Coming to take me away

I wanna die and let You give

Your life to me so I might live

And share the hope You gave me

The love that set me free

I wanna tell the world out there

You're not some fable or fairy tale

That I've made up inside my head

You're God the Son and You've risen from the dead

Chorus

I wanna die and let You give

Your life to me so I might live

And share the hope You gave me

The love that set me free

A Child Is Born!

For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6

Christmas is the time of year to celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus. It's the most wonderful time of the year and my most favorite holiday! I love everything about the season; the decorations, the lights, decorated trees and Christmas carols all put me in a good mood. 

But the reason I love this time of year the most is that (almost) everyone recognizes that we are celebrating the birth of Jesus. I have made a conscience effort make this a priority in our family so that we don't lose focus of the real reason for the holiday. One thing we do is make a "happy birthday cake" for Jesus and celebrate his birthday on Christmas Eve. Another way to teach the kids about the birth of Jesus is by having Nativity scenes around the house for them to play with and set up.

I LOVE nativity scenes and have several up around the house. I have some that the kids are allowed to play with and arrange and then I have a few that are breakable and off limits to little hands. 

The kids take turns arranging the sets daily.

My mom gave me this one my first year of marriage.

My dad made this ceramic nativity. It's my favorite!

I hope and pray that you will take some time this Christmas to share the love of Christ with your friends and family. A love so strong that God sent His ONLY son to earth, to be born as a baby and to live a sinless life, then to die in our place and to take the punishment of our sins on His shoulder. 

That is what Christmas is all about! 

Merry Christmas!

Normal

"How are you doing today Mamma?" The usual morning greeting from Nathan's teacher made it impossible to stop the tears from flowing after struggling to fight them back all morning. For the last several days I have been pushing my emotions back and not dealing with them. I tell myself that I don't have time to cry and that I don't want to be emotional or sad this Christmas season. But after the conversation with my kids this morning on the way to school I couldn't hold them back any longer. I rushed out of Nate's school and sat in my car and cried. And I'm still crying.

"I don't feel normal" Luke said on the way to school this morning. I knew what he meant by that because we were just discussing what percentage they thought I was functioning at. So I tried to make a joke and said "What??? You don't feel normal? What about me?"  His response is what started the tears:
"You don't have a mom that isn't normal". I didn't respond. There are no words.

"Mom, no one else has a scarf on their head. You are the only one wearing one." Lilly commented one day when we were out Christmas shopping. "Yes, you're right. Maybe no  one else has lost their hair from chemo so they don't need to wear one. Does it bother you that I am the only one with a scarf on?" I replied. "Yeah it does. I want you to be normal".

With no hair, no breast and no energy "normal" seems like an illusion. And maybe it is.

I cried all morning after dropping Nathan off. I cried feeling sorry for my kids. I cried wishing I could spare them the hurt and the sadness that comes with a cancer diagnosis. I cried thinking "no one understands". Yes, I know people go through trials and they suffer the pain from the consequences but I didn't DO anything to bring this on! And I cried because I can't protect my kids from their hurt. I cried because I want to be normal.

I have nothing inspirational to say. No great words of wisdom came to mind. No comforting scriptures popped into my thoughts. But I did experience peace that I know was from the Lord. Sometimes you just need a good cleansing cry and to recognize your emotional state and to be still and let God restore you. And that's what happened, God restored my soul.

After spending my morning crying I felt cleansed and emotionally stable. I put on large sunglasses to hide my red puffy eyes and got in the car to pick up Nate...without a scarf on my head. As Nathan climbed into the van his teacher looked at me and said "How are you doing today Mamma?". I smiled and said "Much better, much better".

My 3 blessings

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I LOVE Christmas time! I love all the decorations, all the lights, all the sparkles and all the excitement! I love listening to Christmas music, watching Christmas movies and baking Christmas goodies. But most of all I love celebrating our Lord and Savior, Jesus' birth. It really is the most wonderful time of the year!

Here are a few of my favorite ornaments

My Aunt Jean gave me this one the Christmas

 after my baby brother passed away. 

I was 7 years old.

A handmade bell from my high school

piano teacher.

I bought this Santa in Paris.

Mark bought this one for me the Christmas I was 

pregnant with our oldest Luke. I was 

8 months pregnant.

The first ornament Lilly was given.

A special handmade ornament of my baby.

One of Mark's from his childhood.

The reason we celebrate Christmas: the birth of our

Savior, Jesus Christ born to a virgin, lived a 

perfect, sinless life, died to save us 

from our sin, rose again and

is in heaven waiting

for us.

May you experience God's love and peace this holiday season and remember why we celebrate this most wonderful time of the year!

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