After I had the miscarriage I cried out to God asking him "why?". I was devastated to go through the pain of losing a baby again (I had a miscarriage a little over a year before). I was upset that I didn't have time to become excited about the having a new baby before I lost it. I just didn't understand why God would allow me to get pregnant (it was a surprise pregnancy and we were trying to NOT get pregnant) if He was just going to allow me to lose it. I even was a little angry. I was angry that I hadn't had time to get excited about this new life, I was angry that I got stressed about the financial burden this baby would bring, I was angry that I had to go through the pain, emotional and physical, of another miscarriage.
Then, while I was talking on the phone to my surgeon God revealed something huge to me...
The surgeon asked me what kind of insurance I had (in reference to getting some additional tests done) and I replied "unfortunately Medicaid" but then I quickly added "but fortunately Medicaid, at least I have insurance!!" I then I went on to explain to him that I hadn't had any insurance but I got pregnant and quickly applied for Medicaid and unfortunately I lost the baby but I still had the Medicaid coverage...and if I hadn't had the Medicaid, I would have never gone to the doctor to get the lump checked out.
I hung up the phone and immediately thanked God for providing insurance for me, even through the loss of my sweet baby. Perspective.
God provides and takes care of details in ways we will never understand.
2014
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Breast Cancer
Wednesday May 9th - Was the day I was to find our my biopsy results. I kept my phone attached to me all day...I was waiting for the phone call from the surgeon. By 10 am I called the office to see if the results were in so I could make my appointment to meet with the surgeon later that day. Maureen, his MA, called me back and told me that the results were in and normally Dr. Sherman prefers to discuss results in person but he understood how anxious I was and in need to get the ball rolling so she told me that the results were positive for breast cancer. She continued talking about sending the biopsy out to another lab for further testing to determine the type but all I heard was "positive for cancer...we will call the hospital and schedule your mastectomy for next week".
I hung up the phone and felt my throat tighten up...my good friend Denise and partner with Beyond Organic texted me to see if I had heard any news. I immediately called her and attempted to tell her what I knew through sobs and tears. It was true. I had breast cancer. My gut feeling was right again...
That afternoon I took the kids to the pool. They needed something fun to do and I need a distraction. While at the pool Dr. Sherman called me. He took his time discussing the type of cancer and his treatment plan...basically he wanted to do a full mastectomy asap. Again he answered all the questions that he didn't have to answer. Most of my questions should have been saved for the Oncologist but Dr. Sherman was wonderful and never made it seem like I was taking up too much of his time discussing things he couldn't really answer.
After I finished talking to him I immediately felt relieved. I had a plan. I had a kind, caring doctor who I truly felt cared for me and had my best interest in mind.
My mastectomy surgery was scheduled for May 17th 2012.
I hung up the phone and felt my throat tighten up...my good friend Denise and partner with Beyond Organic texted me to see if I had heard any news. I immediately called her and attempted to tell her what I knew through sobs and tears. It was true. I had breast cancer. My gut feeling was right again...
That afternoon I took the kids to the pool. They needed something fun to do and I need a distraction. While at the pool Dr. Sherman called me. He took his time discussing the type of cancer and his treatment plan...basically he wanted to do a full mastectomy asap. Again he answered all the questions that he didn't have to answer. Most of my questions should have been saved for the Oncologist but Dr. Sherman was wonderful and never made it seem like I was taking up too much of his time discussing things he couldn't really answer.
After I finished talking to him I immediately felt relieved. I had a plan. I had a kind, caring doctor who I truly felt cared for me and had my best interest in mind.
My mastectomy surgery was scheduled for May 17th 2012.
Waiting
The days waiting for the results of my biopsy were never ending, the seemed to drag on forever! I took the kids to church on Sunday and after the service I found Nicole and shared with her what I knew at that point. She was so loving and kind and encouraging! She called her husband Aaron, the lead pastor over along with Ryan, the music pastor to anoint my head with oil and pray over me. I stood crying over the sincere prayers these practically strangers were interceding on my behalf. (we had just begun attending the church a few months before and hadn't gotten involved. we did have their family over for dinner so we were able to spend some time getting to know them). But in all essence we were strangers who appeared in their church and now were in a huge time of need. Aaron and Nicole Olinski stepped it up and loved on us, prayed for us and organized meals for us and constantly checked on us. We have never felt so much love and support especially from people we had JUST met!
Biopsy
May 4th, I went by myself to meet with Dr. Sherman, the surgeon. My in-laws were in town and Mark took them and the kids to the zoo so I drove up to Rockledge by myself. I sat in the room alone waiting for him to review my mammogram and ultra sound reports.
Dr. Sherman came into the room dressed in brown dress slacks and a white doctor jacket complete with a bow tie. He kindly looked at me and asked how I was doing. I said "fine". He smiled nicely and asked me if I knew what was going on. I briefly told him "I found a lump, went to OBGYN, she sent me to get a mammo and now I'm here". He said did anyone talk to you? Do you KNOW anything? I said "No, should I be concerned?".
He sat down next to me and said "this looks like cancer...are you ok? are you going to fall off the chair?". I remember that moment so clearly. I replied "No, I am STRONG, I will be fine. I will have a melt down later". Then I proceeded to ask him a million questions. He was kind, caring and patient with me and attempted to answer all my questions and help me make a plan.
After I finished drilling him with questions (that he graciously answered as best as he could even though they were questions more suited for the oncologist). He went ahead and performed the biopsy. After the biopsy he talked about scheduling surgery for a complete mastectomy the very next week! He talked about finding a plastic surgeon who could begin reconstruction during the mastectomy surgery. He suggested me taking the BRACA 1&2 tests to see genetic findings. He talked about starting chemotherapy, reconstruction... My mind was whirling when I left. I was in so much shock and there was so much to process.
I drove straight to the zoo to meet up with my family I didn't call anyone. I couldn't talk. I just wanted to see my family. I smiled when I saw my kids laughing and playing and having a great time with their grandparents. Mark came straight over to me and looked into my eyes and asked how it went. I burst into tears and told him "he thinks it's cancer!". Mark hugged and hugged me and kept saying "it will be ok, you will be fine. He will cut it out and and life will go on".
Dr. Sherman came into the room dressed in brown dress slacks and a white doctor jacket complete with a bow tie. He kindly looked at me and asked how I was doing. I said "fine". He smiled nicely and asked me if I knew what was going on. I briefly told him "I found a lump, went to OBGYN, she sent me to get a mammo and now I'm here". He said did anyone talk to you? Do you KNOW anything? I said "No, should I be concerned?".
He sat down next to me and said "this looks like cancer...are you ok? are you going to fall off the chair?". I remember that moment so clearly. I replied "No, I am STRONG, I will be fine. I will have a melt down later". Then I proceeded to ask him a million questions. He was kind, caring and patient with me and attempted to answer all my questions and help me make a plan.
After I finished drilling him with questions (that he graciously answered as best as he could even though they were questions more suited for the oncologist). He went ahead and performed the biopsy. After the biopsy he talked about scheduling surgery for a complete mastectomy the very next week! He talked about finding a plastic surgeon who could begin reconstruction during the mastectomy surgery. He suggested me taking the BRACA 1&2 tests to see genetic findings. He talked about starting chemotherapy, reconstruction... My mind was whirling when I left. I was in so much shock and there was so much to process.
I drove straight to the zoo to meet up with my family I didn't call anyone. I couldn't talk. I just wanted to see my family. I smiled when I saw my kids laughing and playing and having a great time with their grandparents. Mark came straight over to me and looked into my eyes and asked how it went. I burst into tears and told him "he thinks it's cancer!". Mark hugged and hugged me and kept saying "it will be ok, you will be fine. He will cut it out and and life will go on".
Mammogram
Mid March, a few weeks after the miscarriage I noticed a lump in my right breast while showering. I wasn't doing a breast exam or self check, I was just washing like normal. It felt like a swollen milk duct so I thought it was related to the miscarriage. A few days later I asked Mark to feel it and what he thought of it. He said the same thing. He thought it was a swollen milk duct from being pregnant.
A few weeks later when the lump hadn't gone away but my body had returned to normal after the miscarriage, I decided to go to the OBGYN to get it checked out. I choose to go to the OBGYN's private practice who I had met at the Health Department. They treated me with such kindness and compassion during my visits to the Health Department. They called me from their homes in the evening and weekends to check on me during the miscarriage process. I felt a strong connection to them and now that my Medicaid had been processed I could go to a regular doctor's office.
I knew that she would look at it and refer me to get a mammogram and ultrasound because I had found a lump in my left breast 1 1/2 years before and had gone through the process before. Which is exactly what she did. I had to wait two weeks to get a mammogram and ultrasound appointment. I had a gut feeling that this lump was "bad" but I wasn't worried.
Tuesday May 1st, I had my mammogram and ultrasound. The radiologist came in and said the lump was "concerning" and referred me to get a biopsy. She didn't tell me any more. While driving home from the mammogram appointment my OBGYN called me and said her office had already set up an appointment with surgeon for Friday May 4th to get a biopsy of the lump. I had a sinking feeling...I knew my gut feeling was true.
A few weeks later when the lump hadn't gone away but my body had returned to normal after the miscarriage, I decided to go to the OBGYN to get it checked out. I choose to go to the OBGYN's private practice who I had met at the Health Department. They treated me with such kindness and compassion during my visits to the Health Department. They called me from their homes in the evening and weekends to check on me during the miscarriage process. I felt a strong connection to them and now that my Medicaid had been processed I could go to a regular doctor's office.
I knew that she would look at it and refer me to get a mammogram and ultrasound because I had found a lump in my left breast 1 1/2 years before and had gone through the process before. Which is exactly what she did. I had to wait two weeks to get a mammogram and ultrasound appointment. I had a gut feeling that this lump was "bad" but I wasn't worried.
Tuesday May 1st, I had my mammogram and ultrasound. The radiologist came in and said the lump was "concerning" and referred me to get a biopsy. She didn't tell me any more. While driving home from the mammogram appointment my OBGYN called me and said her office had already set up an appointment with surgeon for Friday May 4th to get a biopsy of the lump. I had a sinking feeling...I knew my gut feeling was true.
How it all began
In January 2012, Mark and I were surprised to find out that we were expecting our 4th child. In fact, I took the pregnancy test on our youngest child's 4th birthday. Like I said, we were definitely surprised! We thought we were finished having babies and I was looking for jobs for the upcoming year...having a baby was not in our plans! In fact, I did not have any medical insurance...
Mark came around to the idea fast than I did. He started talking about life with a new baby, discussing baby names and secretly (well not too secretly hoping for a boy). I was tired and feeling yucky and not too excited. I spent a lot of time laying on the couch! Even though I had a few "morning sickness" symptoms it was different from my previous 3 pregnancies and that had me concerned.
I quickly applied for Medicaid...and was approved due to our financial status. But like any government program it takes time to process and be approved. During the waiting/approval process I began to anxious about my baby. I felt that something was wrong. I really wanted to be seen by a doctor and reassured that my baby was healthy and all was ok with my pregnancy. However, no doctor would see me until Medicaid was approved. Thankfully I found a local pregnancy center who offered to do an ultrasound for free!
On February 14th I went to the pregnancy resource center to have an ultrasound and see my baby for the first time. On the drive there I called my mom and told her "I just want to have this ultrasound to check to make sure everything is ok". I had a gut feeling that something was wrong. I was right. The sweet girl who did the ultra sound said that she couldn't find a baby in the sac she referred me to the ER for further testing (only because no OBGYN would see me until Medicaid had been processed but the ER would take me with pending Medicaid). I came home and put on a brave face for my family. I made a special Valentines dinner and served it on china. But later broke down and cried telling my husband that something was very wrong.
February 16th was my 33rd birthday...it was uneventful and mostly sad.
February 18th I drove myself to the ER to get more tests to verify whether or not I had a blighted ovum, molar pregnancy, tubal pregnancy or if the baby had just died in the sac. I spent 5 hours there and had many test run and exams done. It was confirmed that even though I was 10 1/2 weeks pregnant my baby had died at 6 weeks gestation. I was devastated! I hadn't even begun to get excited about having a baby and now my baby was dead. Since I was not bleeding the ER would not do anything else for me. I was not considered an emergency so they sent me home. Life went on...that evening we met up with a group of coaches and their wives for dinner that had been planned.
Life goes on...I waited to miscarry on my own but days went on and nothing started. I finally called the Health Department and made an appointment with their OBGYN's. I was seen immediately and treated with such kindness and care and sympathy for the loss of my baby. They tried to schedule a D &C but the hospital denied it since Medicaid was still pending and this wasn't an emergency procedure. So I waited, still feeling and looking pregnant but knowing that my baby inside of me was dead.
One night after I put the kids to bed I begun cramping. By the time I got back downstairs to lay on the couch I was in extreme pain. I knew that I had begun the miscarriage process.
I was so mad and sad...I cried out to God saying "why did you allow me to get pregnant and go through the stress of a surprise pregnancy and the stress that it created in our family only to loose the baby that I hadn't even had time to get excited about??? why?"
A few weeks later I found a lump in my right breast...
Mark came around to the idea fast than I did. He started talking about life with a new baby, discussing baby names and secretly (well not too secretly hoping for a boy). I was tired and feeling yucky and not too excited. I spent a lot of time laying on the couch! Even though I had a few "morning sickness" symptoms it was different from my previous 3 pregnancies and that had me concerned.
I quickly applied for Medicaid...and was approved due to our financial status. But like any government program it takes time to process and be approved. During the waiting/approval process I began to anxious about my baby. I felt that something was wrong. I really wanted to be seen by a doctor and reassured that my baby was healthy and all was ok with my pregnancy. However, no doctor would see me until Medicaid was approved. Thankfully I found a local pregnancy center who offered to do an ultrasound for free!
On February 14th I went to the pregnancy resource center to have an ultrasound and see my baby for the first time. On the drive there I called my mom and told her "I just want to have this ultrasound to check to make sure everything is ok". I had a gut feeling that something was wrong. I was right. The sweet girl who did the ultra sound said that she couldn't find a baby in the sac she referred me to the ER for further testing (only because no OBGYN would see me until Medicaid had been processed but the ER would take me with pending Medicaid). I came home and put on a brave face for my family. I made a special Valentines dinner and served it on china. But later broke down and cried telling my husband that something was very wrong.
February 16th was my 33rd birthday...it was uneventful and mostly sad.
February 18th I drove myself to the ER to get more tests to verify whether or not I had a blighted ovum, molar pregnancy, tubal pregnancy or if the baby had just died in the sac. I spent 5 hours there and had many test run and exams done. It was confirmed that even though I was 10 1/2 weeks pregnant my baby had died at 6 weeks gestation. I was devastated! I hadn't even begun to get excited about having a baby and now my baby was dead. Since I was not bleeding the ER would not do anything else for me. I was not considered an emergency so they sent me home. Life went on...that evening we met up with a group of coaches and their wives for dinner that had been planned.
Life goes on...I waited to miscarry on my own but days went on and nothing started. I finally called the Health Department and made an appointment with their OBGYN's. I was seen immediately and treated with such kindness and care and sympathy for the loss of my baby. They tried to schedule a D &C but the hospital denied it since Medicaid was still pending and this wasn't an emergency procedure. So I waited, still feeling and looking pregnant but knowing that my baby inside of me was dead.
One night after I put the kids to bed I begun cramping. By the time I got back downstairs to lay on the couch I was in extreme pain. I knew that I had begun the miscarriage process.
I was so mad and sad...I cried out to God saying "why did you allow me to get pregnant and go through the stress of a surprise pregnancy and the stress that it created in our family only to loose the baby that I hadn't even had time to get excited about??? why?"
A few weeks later I found a lump in my right breast...
Going Beyond Cancer
Previously I have used this blog to promote my direct marketing company, Beyond Organic. Since being diagnosed with breast cancer this past May, I realize the need to update my friends and family on my treatments and progress.
I will now be using this blog to document my journey as well as continue to share the great products Beyond Organic provides.
Many friends and families have inquired how they help financially. I have now included a Pay Pal donate button to make it easier to give (top right side bar). Feel free to share the link to my blog to anyone who may ask about my treatments, progress and how to help financially.
Thanks for the continued love and support for me during this trial. Be sure to check back frequently for more updates!!
Katie
I will now be using this blog to document my journey as well as continue to share the great products Beyond Organic provides.
Many friends and families have inquired how they help financially. I have now included a Pay Pal donate button to make it easier to give (top right side bar). Feel free to share the link to my blog to anyone who may ask about my treatments, progress and how to help financially.
Thanks for the continued love and support for me during this trial. Be sure to check back frequently for more updates!!
Katie
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