Love and Support

My parents, George and Ruth Smith have sacrificed so much to help my family out during my fight with breast cancer. My mom flew out with just a weeks notice in May and stayed two weeks to help my family for my mastectomy surgery. They were both able to fly out and spend two weeks with us in August to help with my 2nd chemotherapy treatment. 

My Aunt Mary flew out for a week after my 2nd treatment and was here with my parents and sisters. She spoiled me and loved on the kids. 

My sweet Aunt Betty flew out to help us with my 3rd treatment. She was so much fun to have around! She even took Mark and the kids to Disney!

My special friend, Joan, flew in to help with my 4th treatment. She is such an encourager and had calming way with the kids.

 My wonderful Mother-In-Law, Pam, came for my 5th treatment. My kids enjoyed the special time with grandma and I enjoyed the deep cleaning she did!

My dad, flew out for the week of my 6th and final treatment and at the last minute my mom was able to come out for the following week. She flew in the night before he left. The love, prayers and support from my family has sustained me through these difficult months.

I am so thankful for my family and friends who have sacrificed their time and money to make sure someone was here to take care of me and my family during each treatment.

Acupuncture is Therapy

"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but this looks like cancer". From the time I heard those words come out of Dr. Sherman's mouth on May 4th, 2012, my focus and goal was to find an alternative natural treatment to chemo.

I wanted a naturalist who could either help me find a natural alternative to chemo or if I chose to do chemo could help give me information to restore my body during the treatment process. I knew that there is a wealth of information on the internet and plenty of books written on the subject that I could read but the problem I had was: information overload! Especially when I was recovering from a major surgery and was already mentally and emotionally drained. I kept coming up on dead ends. I could not find the right person or book or idea that I believed in. I was extremely frustrated.

Just a couple days after I had a phone conversation with a breast cancer survivor who had told me to look into acupuncture, I received a Living Social email that had a great deal for a local Acupuncturist. Before I bought the Living Social deal I called to get some information. I asked if she had previously worked with chemo patients and explained my situation and asked her how she could help me. I asked her what she would do and how exactly it would help my body. I then explained my financial situation.

She was so kind and took the time to explain how acupuncture works and how it would help my body during chemo. She then told me that she was more interested in helping me through this process than she was worried about how I would pay for it and that we could work something out.

One week to the day after my first chemo appointment I entered Amy Oros' beautiful yellow office that had a wooden desk and antique chair, some pretty pictures on the cheery walls; I met her smiling face and I immediately knew I found the right place to start my journey to restore my body. The treatment room was painted two shades of relaxing green with another antique looking wooden table that held a mini waterfall. The walls had relaxing water pictures and the music was a soothing piano medley.

Amy asked me some questions about my treatment, about the concerns I had about chemo and what exactly I desired to obtain from acupuncture and neural therapy. I answered those questions but then found myself dumping and unloading the past several months worth of worry and stress on her. I began to cry and share all my fears about what I felt chemo was doing to my body. I was a wreck! Amy was so kind and comforting. She listened and asked questions and I felt that she truly did care. She gave me some great advice that I have keep coming back to during my treatment process. She helped me change the way I view the treatments and she also helped me realized that changing the words that I call things will help change my mental state. So I no longer us the word "chemo" I call it "treatment". I try to not say "cancer" instead I use the Chinese word "phlem". I no longer view treatments as "harming and destroying "my body, killing both the good and the bad but instead as medicine that will kill the bad and help me live a long healthy life. She used a vivid analogy "Imagine the medicine (chemo/treatment) as the national guard going into your body. It is there to defend and protect the good and to kill the bad". Visualizing the treatment in my body killing the bad and protecting the good has really helped changed my mental and emotional perspective of this process.

My weekly acupuncture sessions are the highlight of my week! I look forward to my sessions not just receiving the acupuncture but talking to Amy and sharing my emotions as well. I feel safe to share with Amy my deepest concerns and anxieties (which I is why I joke that she is my personal therapists!). Sometimes it's important to let out those thoughts, frustrations, fears and anxieties in a safe place.

The time I lay "setting" with the needles poked in me is my alone and quiet time. The lights are dimmed low, the sound of the waterfall and the music playing soothes and relaxes every muscle in my body. I use that time of peace and serenity to reflect, pray and give thanks. I pour my heart out to the Lord asking him for healing of my body, protection for my children, for comfort and peace for my family. I thank him for the many blessings he has given to us during this trial. When I stop to think and reflect on the blessings I am brought to tears...God has been so good to us!

Not only does acupuncture relieve the physical side effects of my treatment (achy body, headaches, the tin taste in my mouth, mouth sores, constipation, etc) it is also a time a peace an tranquility for my heart and soul.

What if....

What if...

• I get sick and hospitalized?
• The cancer has spread and I don't know it?
• The cancer comes back in 10 years?
• My body (liver/kidneys) is damaged from the chemo?
• I'm never healed?
• I never feel good/normal/strong again?
• My kids reject the Lord?
• Mark dies?
• My kids die?
• We can't get out of debt?
• I can't find a job?
• I get a job I hate?

My good friend, Joan, came to help us for my 4th round of treatment . She is a godly woman and a special friend and I love her dearly. Joan and her husband Mark influenced our lives spiritually more than anyone else. I learned more in the three years that I sat under Pastor Mark's preaching than I have under any other pastor. I am blessed and thankful to call them friends! 

During her time here helping us Joan and I were able to talk a lot; she encouraged me through scripture and challenged me to really trust the Lord in all things. One day after she left, I dropped the kids off at school and took my Bible and my journal and went to the beach. I spent a couple hours listening to the crashing waves and enjoying the warmth of the sun and really gave it some thought...and prayer!

What if?

To be honest, I didn't find the peace I was looking for. I didn't get the answers I wanted or the reassurance that none of those things would happen. We live in a sin-filled world. There's diseases, death, heartaches and a lot of pain and suffering and any one of those questions could happen. I could not be healed. I could have the cancer come back later in life. My husband or kids could die. We could always struggle financially. 

But I do know that God is still God and always will be. I do know that he promises to never leave us or forsake us. Joshua 1:5 "As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."

And I do know that I can give him my worries and my fears and I don't have to be burdened down by them. Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

The God who created all things: the ocean, the birds, me! Loves me and wants me to trust in Him and to cast my cares/stress/anxiety on Him so that I can rest in His peace for the future. So that is what I'll do. 

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on the Lord, for he cares for you".

Breast Cancer

Wednesday May 9th - Was the day I was to find our my biopsy results. I kept my phone attached to me all day...I was waiting for the phone call from the surgeon. By 10 am I called the office to see if the results were in so I could make my appointment to meet with the surgeon later that day. Maureen, his MA, called me back and told me that the results were in and normally Dr. Sherman prefers to discuss results in person but he understood how anxious I was and in need to get the ball rolling so she told me that the results were positive for breast cancer. She continued talking about sending the biopsy out to another lab for further testing to determine the type but all I heard was "positive for cancer...we will call the hospital and schedule your mastectomy for next week".

I hung up the phone and felt my throat tighten up...my good friend Denise and partner with Beyond Organic texted me to see if I had heard any news. I immediately called her and attempted to tell her what I knew through sobs and tears. It was true. I had breast cancer. My gut feeling was right again...

That afternoon I took the kids to the pool. They needed something fun to do and I need a distraction. While at the pool Dr. Sherman called me. He took his time discussing the type of cancer and his treatment plan...basically he wanted to do a full mastectomy asap. Again he answered all the questions that he didn't have to answer. Most of my questions should have been saved for the Oncologist but Dr. Sherman was wonderful and never made it seem like I was taking up too much of his time discussing things he couldn't really answer.

After I finished talking to him I immediately felt relieved. I had a plan. I had a kind, caring doctor who I truly felt cared for me and had my best interest in mind.

My mastectomy surgery was scheduled for May 17th 2012.

Biopsy

May 4th, I went by myself to meet with Dr. Sherman, the surgeon. My in-laws were in town and Mark took them and the kids to the zoo so I drove up to Rockledge by myself. I sat in the room alone waiting for him to review my mammogram and ultra sound reports.

Dr. Sherman came into the room dressed in brown dress slacks and a white doctor jacket complete with a bow tie. He kindly looked at me and asked how I was doing. I said "fine". He smiled nicely and asked me if I knew what was going on. I briefly told him "I found a lump, went to OBGYN, she sent me to get a mammo and now I'm here". He said did anyone talk to you? Do you KNOW anything? I said "No, should I be concerned?".

He sat down next to me and said "this looks like cancer...are you ok? are you going to fall off the chair?". I remember that moment so clearly. I replied "No, I am STRONG, I will be fine. I will have a melt down later". Then I proceeded to ask him a million questions. He was kind, caring and patient with me and attempted to answer all my questions and help me make a plan.

After I finished drilling him with questions (that he graciously answered as best as he could even though they were questions more suited for the oncologist).  He went ahead and performed the biopsy. After the biopsy he talked about scheduling surgery for a complete mastectomy the very next week! He talked about finding a plastic surgeon who could begin reconstruction during the mastectomy surgery. He suggested me taking the BRACA 1&2 tests to see genetic findings. He talked about starting chemotherapy, reconstruction... My mind was whirling when I left. I was in so much shock and there was so much to process.

I drove straight to the zoo to meet up with my family I didn't call anyone. I couldn't talk. I just wanted to see my family. I smiled when I saw my kids laughing and playing and having a great time with their grandparents. Mark came straight over to me and looked into my eyes and asked how it went. I burst into tears and told him "he thinks it's cancer!". Mark hugged and hugged me and kept saying "it will be ok, you will be fine. He will cut it out and and life will go on".